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When a loved one is struggling with substance abuse, it can be challenging to find the right words and approach to help them. As a psychiatrist who has treated many patients and taught on this topic, I understand the complexities of both sides. It’s heartbreaking to witness their self-destruction and frustrating when your efforts are rejected. In this article, I’ll provide you with proven tips and examples to create a plan that works for you and your loved one.

Use Simple Language

Using complicated terms like ‘addict’ or ‘alcoholic’ to diagnose the problem can create unnecessary roadblocks. Instead, it’s better to use common and specific language to name the issue. This helps to avoid friction and defensiveness right from the beginning. It’s better to focus on the concerns at hand, rather than getting hung up on definitions.

Use Facts, Not Opinions

Stick to the facts when communicating with your loved one about their substance use. Avoid inserting your opinions or judgments about their behavior as it can create unnecessary arguments. Focus on the hard specifics to refute and avoid attacking their character. For example, instead of saying “You’re a liar and an alcoholic!”, say “I’ve noticed you’re drinking more often than before.”

Come from a Place of Concern

Shifting the focus from addiction to shared values and concerns can significantly improve the response you receive from your loved one. Avoid policing and promote a partnership dynamic by expressing your worries and concerns about their behavior. By being specific and sticking to the facts, you can explain your concerns and avoid creating conflict.

They Need to Do the Work

It’s essential to avoid becoming a tireless helper for your loved one’s addiction. Your role is to make it easier for them to work on themselves. Plan healthy activities together, support them to schedule a doctor’s visit if they’re scared to, or send them links to resources based on your conversations.

Make it Easy to Start

Instead of overwhelming them with an intervention, create small steps to help them on their journey to recovery. Identify something that they would find it hard to say no to, and show them that the process can be rewarding and exciting.

Invite Them into a Psychological Process

Addiction often stems from underlying issues like trauma, boredom, depression, or a lack of direction in life. Encourage your loved one to engage in mindfulness or meditation practices, have a heart-to-heart conversation with someone they admire, or try reading books or listening to podcasts on emotions and behavior. There are also programs like Self Recovery that can provide them with the mental tools needed for change.

In conclusion, it’s crucial to communicate with your loved one with compassion, concern, and support. By avoiding judgment, promoting a partnership dynamic, and encouraging small steps, you can create an environment that fosters growth and recovery.

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